Some of my friends who know me and from whom I borrow money would jokingly say this. But these pertain to small amounts only, like Php10 for fare or even just a peso for exam papers. Still, it's borrowed money which they do not expect to be paid if it's me borrowing. For a while, it seemed okay but then it eventually sunk in to me that it was not a good testimony. We were always reminded by our professor in Audit class to never forget and always pay a debt no matter how small or large the amount was. This financial aspect has been a struggle for me, and I am an Accountancy student for goodness' sake, I should've known better, such irony.

Last year, there was a very gracious incident that happened to me which I could never forget until now and perhaps my whole life. It started out with me, again, borrowing money from a friend for some snacks and telling her that I would pay as soon as I can. But due to some circumstances, I was unable to do so and when she asked when I would pay, I simply told her maybe next month. Everything was fine until one night she sent a text message pouring out her sentiments about my attitude. She pointed out how it was not a good practice to borrow money and intentionally delay the payment (because she thought I had money and was just not really willing to pay). To be honest, I was hurt and felt defensive at first. What really melted my heart though was when she ended the message saying that she didn't need the money and could even just forget about it since it was not really materially significant, but that she loved me enough to rebuke me of something that could put me in a much greater trouble in the future if I do not change. I praise God for the heart of my friend, Czeska. She has always been the courageous kind of friend who lovingly rebukes and is  willing to risk the friendship rather than tolerate a bad action. What she did that night was and will forever be a sweet reminder for me.

Yet, it was not easy. I still have tendencies of borrowing small amounts of money and easily forget about it, because anyway "it is not a significant amount." And so I made a step, a simple step that is by God's grace, slowly changing the way I handle this struggle. Normally, when my friends would invite me to go watch a movie with them, I would easily decide to do so even if at times I do not have money because they will just let me borrow. But recently, I had been declining most of their invites to movies or to some restaurants. It was hard and sometimes they would say how "kill joy" I was and how I would be missing on a lot of things. Then I told them that I am actually trying to be financially healthy and wise, and so even if they are willing to lend me money, I personally want to avoid debts. Again, I praise God for understanding and grace-giving friends! 

In the middle of my writing this blog post, I realized that my struggle in this are is pretty much like my or maybe your struggle in sinning as well, we keep on doing some sins because anyway, they are just petty. But what we do not immediately realize is that these are the sins we so tightly hold on to because again, we feel much less guilt doing them. And without us noticing, these are the ones that could easily take us away from our track and cause us spiritual dryness. This cycle chains us and we eventually find ourselves inside a prison we created for our own. Even Paul struggled with this, considering himself wretched for repeatedly committing the same mistake. Yes, the reality is, even the most spiritual person you and I would ever know, had their own share of struggles, failures and mishaps. Who then, would be willing to forgive and more so rescue us from this misery?

Paul, in his most desperate need and attempt cried out in Romans 7:24-25...

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Indeed, it is only the Lord, Jesus Christ who could and who would save us from all these. What a faithful God we have, that while we were yet sinning, He had already rescued us. I have nothing but a sigh of relief and a heart full of gratitude for the finished work of Christ on the cross. Oftentimes I do forget but the Lord really has a good and funny way of reminding me. What started out as a blog post about how I would gain freedom from debt, led and reminded me of how I had freedom from death. And so with this reminder from the Lord, I would also encourage you to take that one step of simply remembering what Christ has done whenever you get chained by your own sinful nature once again.